10 useful tips for car drivers

1.)    If you see a cyclist ahead and you can’t pass because of opposing traffic, resist the urge to run over him, even though you can. You know what a mess it can make of your car if you hit a deer. A cyclist will probably do even more damage.

2.)    Don’t throw stuff at cyclists. In some states there is a $250 fine for this, plus there is a $1,000 fine for littering, it can add up. If you feel you must throw something at a cyclist, think of the environment, throw something that is biodegradable.

3.)    Don’t waste time thinking of clever things to yell at cyclists as you drive by at 50mph. Just shout, "Garble, garble, garble, fucking road." It is all they will hear anyway

4.)    If you are approaching a right turn, slow and wait behind the cyclist ahead of you. If you can’t do this at least be consistent and race ahead of other cars, then cut them off by turning right in front of them.

5.)    Use the buddy system. If you can’t resist the urge to text while driving have a buddy ride along to look out for cyclists.

6.)    Pedestrians can also be annoying, they will not stay on one side of the road and are likely to interrupt your texting by crossing over to the other side at some point.

7.)    Resist the urge to lay on the horn. If you can’t do this consider fitting a second horn inside the car a few feet from your head. This will give you a realistic feel of how incredibly fucking loud your car horn is.

8.)    Watch your blind spot. Looking in store windows or at pretty girls as you drive by creates a huge blind spot ahead of you. Cyclists have an annoying habit of riding in this blind spot.

9.)    If a cyclist is riding in the middle of the lane, it could be because he will not ride within five feet of a parked car. (The door zone.) If you expect cyclists to ride within inches of parked cars, set an example by driving within inches of parked cars.

If more cars did this and removed a few car doors, and grazed a few knuckles as a result, it would help by reminding people to look before opening a car door. At the present time cyclists hitting car doors does not have the same impact.

10.)  Avoid hitting cyclists by simply going around them. If you should hit one because he happened to be there when you were applying makeup, don’t say “He swerved in front of me.” Simply tell the police officer, “I didn’t see him.”

This is becoming the more widely accepted defense; after all it is the truth and a driver can’t be expected to see everything. (Don’t try the “I didn’t see it” defense if you run a stop sign. For some strange reason this does not work.)  

First posted in 2011

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Why the proliferation of clip on bars?

 

How about someone educate me for a change? Why the popularity of clip-on aero bars? Is this just an East Coast thing or a nationwide trend? Because when I am out riding nearly every cyclist I see has these bars fitted and is in the laying down prayer position.

Is the sport of triathlons really that popular? I’ve never seen any publicized in my local paper, and I’ve never met an actual triathlete in recent years.

So my questions are: Are these triathletes or are they just using the aero bars because they think it looks cool?

It kinda reminds me of the person at the super market who is too tired to hold themselves up, so they lean with their elbows on the shopping cart.

If these are not real triathletes then who are their role models? Who are they trying to emulate.

When I started cycling as a teen in the 1950s, I rode with my spare tubular tire around my shoulder like the European Pros did. It was the look that all aspiring young cyclists were going for at the time.

With all the Spring Classic races and the Grand Tours being readily available for viewing online, one would think any newcomer to the sport would want to look like the current crop of pros. And pros don’t use clip on bars.

So my question is: Is this just an American thing, or just certain areas, like where I currently live? Or will this simply become the natural human posture for all activities, and mankind will end up with a permanent stoop and two enormous opposable thumbs.  

So educate me please. Am I that much out of touch?

It seems the older I get rather than gain knowledge, there are more and more things I know nothing about. 

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Labels

Our society has this strange trait of labeling everyone.

It is not enough that we know someone by their given name, we have to categorize them further by what they do for a living, their political or religious beliefs. Even their hobbies.

I’m sure people who live in my neighborhood but have not yet met me, refer to me as “The Cyclist,” because they see my ride by on my bike.

The problem is that being labeled a “Cyclist,” I am then pre-judged by the worst behavior of other cyclists, even those who would not necessarily label themselves as cyclists.    

The dictionary defines a cyclist as “Somebody who rides a bicycle,” and as far as the media and news reports go that pretty much covers it. If a person robs a bank and makes his get-away on a bike, the story will read “Cyclist robs bank.”

What about the three-year-old child riding his little bike on his driveway, possibly with training wheels still installed. Is this little fellow a “Cyclist” or a child playing at being a cyclist?

There are people who ride bicycles as their only means of transport, either by choice, or for economic reasons, but would they necessarily label themselves as cyclists? 

A person who has lost their driver’s license or a young person not yet old enough to drive will ride a bicycle, and would not call themselves a cyclist. But should they be unfortunate enough to be involved in an accident, the media will say, “Cyclist hit by car.” When in the interest of accuracy, shouldn’t the report read, “Cyclist hit by Motorist?”

Some use a bicycle as an exercise machine but would not necessarily call themselves a cyclist any more than they would call themselves “treadmillist,” if there were such a word for a person who chose a treadmill as their exercise machine of choice.

At some point I need to be careful, lest I am accused of becoming “elitist.” When a person starts to ride a bike for no other reason than the pure joy of riding a bicycle, the temptation is to want to spread that joy and convert others to become cyclists and discover the joys of cycling.

When they resist efforts at conversion, it must be the same feeling that Jehovah’s Witnesses get when they knock on my door but fail to convert me to their way of thinking.  There is a danger of being a “Cyclist” becoming a belief system, almost a religion.

It is okay to feel superior, after all that is nothing more than a feeling of self-esteem, which is good. What I will try not to do is to look down on lesser mortals who are not cyclists. Those unfortunate souls who have not yet discovered the joy of being a cyclist. Those trapped inside their unfit bodies and their SUVs.   

However, I will not preach to non-cyclists or try to convert them. I will not display an elitist persona of superiority. I will not show disdain at those who choose to travel by car or on foot. I will try to show my fellow traveler, respect and common courtesy. Be they on the road (Literally.) or on this journey that is this life. Even though it is entirely possible they will not show me the same respect.

I will occasionally allow myself to "Poke fun" at the non-cyclist, in a good natured way, on this blog, knowing that the non-cyclist will not read it any more than I will read the Jehovah’s Witness literature that was tucked behind my screen door.

I will try to lead by example that people might say, “Here’s a happy, healthy, content individual, what’s your secret?” Then maybe I might tell them.

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An open letter to all shorts manufacturers: Please take care of the Butt Crack issue

Back in 2007 I wrote a tongue in cheek piece called “Batman and Robin never had this problem.”

It addressed the problem of cycling shorts being so shear, that the outline of male genitalia could be seen in such detail that you could almost tell a person’s religious leanings, or ethnic background.

At the time I called for more padding in the shorts, and since then padding in cycling shorts has become larger and thicker, to the extent that we now see some serious male “Camel Toes” on the podium. This previous problem was not an issue when guys were actually riding their bike, but rather in parading around in coffee shops after riding. One does not want to see the “Brim of the Hat,” especially when eating.

So it seems cycling short manufacturers have taken care of the “Frontal” issue but are still ignoring the “Butt Crack” issue. The last thing I want to see when riding with a group, is to be staring at some guy’s butt crack as I am following his wheel.

Even if it is a female rider, there is nothing pleasing, or erotic about it, in fact it is downright embarrassing. I mean, what do you do? Ride along side and say, “Excuse me miss but did you know your butt crack is showing?” No you try to ignore it, and ride on wondering if anyone else notices.

In most cases if the shorts are worn properly with the rear seam centered correctly, it is amazing that a tiny row of stitching barely a quarter of an inch wide, is enough to hide the offending crack. But get the seam off to one side, as in the picture above, and the fabric stretched across the valley, becomes shear and see through. Especially when the sun shines on it. The old adage of “Put it where the sun don’t shine” does not apply in this case.

It is not just cheap shorts that have this problem, some expensive ones too. It seems to me that this would be an easy fix. An extra strip of the same material sewn on the inside would take care of it. This strip would only need to be no more than 2 inches wide. They could be advertised as “Hidden Valley” cycling shorts.

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The Weight Weenie

A Weight Weenie is a person who is obsessive about the weight of their bicycle; it is a trait, to this day I do not fully understand.

Shaving a few grams of weight from your bike will also slim down your bank account by copious amounts of cash, as you replace components with lighter, more expensive, and sometimes less reliable ones.

The question I always want to ask is, “Do you want to ride it, or weigh it?” Of course, a road bike or racing bicycle needs to be lightweight, but to what limit. What is the point of removing a few grams from your bike if your body is 10, 20 or more pounds overweight?

Even the serious racing cyclist who is a super fit athlete will want to consider whether, for example, is it worth it to buy a super light component and have it break and cost him the race. In bicycle racing it is always the rider not his equipment that wins races.

If you are trying to fly, become airborne, weight is a big factor. However, rolling on a flat surface weight has little effect, and you could argue that added weight would give you momentum.

Consider this scenario. A standard size water bottle filled with water weighs a pound and a half. If you are riding with a friend and you hand him your water bottle, you have instantly lost 1 ½ lbs. and he has gained the same amount.

If weight were such a large factor, you would expect that you would suddenly shoot forward and your friend would drop back. The fact is neither of you feel the slightest difference, even if you are climbing a hill.

It is on the hills, the Weight Weenie will argue that weight, or lack of it is an advantage. I sometimes wonder if this is entirely true. I used to build a criterium frame in Columbus SP tubing that was heavier than my road frame built in SL.

Owners of this particular model always remark how well the bike climbs. The reason is the stiffness of the frame, transfers the rider’s energy to the rear wheel more efficiently. Whether this criterium bike is actually faster or just feels faster is something that would be difficult to prove.

I will say this, if I am riding up hill on my 20 plus pound steel road bike with another rider of equal fitness level on a 14 lb. carbon fiber bike. I claim we would both arrive at the top at the same time.

Weight Weenieism is not a disease, there is no 12 step cure; it is a more like a religious or political belief. It is relatively harmless, although it can cause financial hardship, leading to marital stress.

And remember this: Blingy equipment that weighs less than an anorexic butterfly is no substitute for miles in your legs