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10 useful tips for car drivers

1.)    If you see a cyclist ahead and you can’t pass because of opposing traffic, resist the urge to run over him, even though you can. You know what a mess it can make of your car if you hit a deer. A cyclist will probably do even more damage.

2.)    Don’t throw stuff at cyclists. In some states there is a $250 fine for this, plus there is a $1,000 fine for littering, it can add up. If you feel you must throw something at a cyclist, think of the environment, throw something that is biodegradable.

3.)    Don’t waste time thinking of clever things to yell at cyclists as you drive by at 50mph. Just shout, "Garble, garble, garble, fucking road." It is all they will hear anyway

4.)    If you are approaching a right turn, slow and wait behind the cyclist ahead of you. If you can’t do this at least be consistent and race ahead of other cars, then cut them off by turning right in front of them.

5.)    Use the buddy system. If you can’t resist the urge to text while driving have a buddy ride along to look out for cyclists.

6.)    Pedestrians can also be annoying, they will not stay on one side of the road and are likely to interrupt your texting by crossing over to the other side at some point.

7.)    Resist the urge to lay on the horn. If you can’t do this consider fitting a second horn inside the car a few feet from your head. This will give you a realistic feel of how incredibly fucking loud your car horn is.

8.)    Watch your blind spot. Looking in store windows or at pretty girls as you drive by creates a huge blind spot ahead of you. Cyclists have an annoying habit of riding in this blind spot.

9.)    If a cyclist is riding in the middle of the lane, it could be because he will not ride within five feet of a parked car. (The door zone.) If you expect cyclists to ride within inches of parked cars, set an example by driving within inches of parked cars.

If more cars did this and removed a few car doors, and grazed a few knuckles as a result, it would help by reminding people to look before opening a car door. At the present time cyclists hitting car doors does not have the same impact.

10.)  Avoid hitting cyclists by simply going around them. If you should hit one because he happened to be there when you were applying makeup, don’t say “He swerved in front of me.” Simply tell the police officer, “I didn’t see him.”

This is becoming the more widely accepted defense; after all it is the truth and a driver can’t be expected to see everything. (Don’t try the “I didn’t see it” defense if you run a stop sign. For some strange reason this does not work.)  


First posted in 2011

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Reader Comments (6)

Angry in 2011, angry now. Me too. I'm amazed when cyclists just brush off the so frequent mistreatment we suffer on the roads. I can't do it. I know we're supposed to forgive and love our fellow men, but they are so thoroughly un-lovable!

March 18, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMaynard Hershon

Any time you hit and kill a cyclist, just say it was an accident...…...They'll let you off with maybe a ticket.

March 18, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterBill K

There are anti-bullying campaigns everywhere but the roads we ride on. School? check Cyber-bullying? check. The roads? Not a peep

...maybe because people driving cars don't believe they're bullying us?! After all... we're just 'one of them damn cyclists...'

Maybe someone that has some influence should take that and run with it.

March 18, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterGummee

Hi Dave, On #4 please add: "Don't bother using your turn signal as this might confuse the other twits driving these cars and some cyclists who share the same stupidity."

March 18, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterBrian


March 20, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMircea Andrei Ghinea

As relevant today as it was when first posted.

The "didn't see him" defense is often a lie because there is no excuse for deliberately right-hooking or other offenses against cyclists. But it is sometimes true. I view driving as similar to the kind of laboratory work I used to do: very tedious and repetitive, but subject to disaster with even a momentary loss of attention. (Except a disaster in the lab ruined an experiment, rather than killing someone.) I thought about this as I drove home after reading your post. Perhaps you've encouraged me to be a safer driver.

We do have a little control over the risks with alert, defensive riding and measures to improve one's visibility. No guarantees, of course.

March 22, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterJon Blum

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