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Monday
Feb112008

Friends


Hollywood celebrities Courteney Cox (Left.) and Jennifer Aniston (Right.) stars of TV sitcom “Friends,” are it appears, real life friends.

When Jennifer mentioned she would like to take up cycling, Courteney rushed out and bought her a $12,000 Chanel Bike.

Steve, AKA the Maltese Falcon, a regular reader and commenter on this blog, sent me a link to the story.

At first I thought this is one of those nothing, no-news stories, then I thought why not have some fun with this. I imagined the conversation the day after the sale, between the Chanel store that sold the bike, and Chanel’s corporate office.

The conversation would go something like this.....

“Hello, is this Chanel Corporate Purchasing? This is Tyrone Schoulaces, manager of the Chanel Store, on Rodeo Drive. We need to order another Chanel bicycle.”

CORPORATE PURCHASING: What do mean another one, there is no other one, that bicycle is one of a kind. We’re talking about the $12,000 bicycle, right?

TS: Yes we sold it and we need another one. Courteney Cox came in a bought it for her friend Jennifer Aniston.

CP: You did what. You weren’t supposed to sell it, that is why it was $12,000. We figured the type of people who can afford $12,000, do not ride bicycles.

TS: I don’t understand, it was in my store with a price ticket on it, so I naturally thought it was for sale.

CP: No darling, we are in the fashion, perfume, and bag business, not the bicycle business; what are you going to do if they bring it back with a flat tire, or the brakes need adjusting?

TS: So why offer a bike?

CP: It was a publicity ploy. We announced at the end of last year we had a bicycle for $12,000. Then we took a bicycle you could buy at any bike store for what? $600 tops. Stick an already overpriced Chanel bag on the back, say another $300, and there you have it a $12,000 bicycle. Vogue and all the other fashion magazines just lapped it up.

TS: I remember reading that, Vogue said was $6,000.

CP: That’s when we realized someone might actually buy it, so we doubled the price. Of course it never occurred to me that some celebrity would want to show off and buy it as a gift for another celebrity. We should have tripled the price.

TS: So what’s the problem? Just get another bike.

CP. It’s not that easy; that bike came all the way from Holland, or Nederland, or some other ‘behind the times’ place were they haven’t discovered the internal combustion engine, and people ride bikes all the time. Actually, the bike was made in China, shipped to Holland, then here.

TS: So that bike had been three-quarters of the way around the world.

CP: Exactly, and now it will be lucky if it goes three-quarters of the way around Beverley Hills.

TS: I thought all these Hollywood types were going “green.” You know, global warming and all that.

CP: Oh yes, they support it, and talk about it, but let's face it, they are still going to drive their Hummers and Limos. In fact all the hot air coming out of Hollywood about global warming, is actually contributing to global warming.

TS: So what are we going to do about the bicycle? There’s a large void, in my window where it used to be.

CP: Okay darling, here’s what you do; you get it back. It wouldn’t surprise me if Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston chipped in six grand apiece, and cooked this whole thing up as a publicity ruse themselves.

TS: Do you really think they would do that?

CP: Of course, what with Courteney not working much, and Jennifer’s break-up with Brad being ‘old news,’ they are probably trying to drum up some residuals from TV re-runs of “Friends.”

TS: I wondered about that. What kind of a person spends $12,000 on a gift for a friend, then blabs to the media about how much she’s spent. So how do I get it back?

CP: You contact Courteney Cox and offer to buy it back. If it is a publicity stunt, she’ll jump at it. If Jennifer really wants to take up cycling, buy her a decent bike from any LA bike store, and ask if you can borrow the Chanel bike for display until the end of the year. Offer Courteney and Jennifer a year’s supply of bags and perfume.

TS: But why do you only need the bike until the end of the year?

CP: Because by that time bikes will be so last year, and we’ll think of some other bull-shit idea to get millions of dollars worth free publicity.

TS: I’ll take care of it.

CP: Thanks, chow darling.

Reader Comments (7)

Don't know if it's true or not, but according to Wikipedia, Aniston briefly worked as a bike messenger in her starving-young-actress days.

I certainly wouldn't mind sitting on her wheel in a paceline.
February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter Tim
To put it into perspective.

These people get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars each week, and with the life-long royalties from friends and funds from publicities, magazines, clothing lines, perfumes, and what not, they'll easily be making 10-30 million dollars each year.

Buying a 12,000 dollar bike with that kind of money?

Price-"less", no literally.
February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter Ron
And I'm wondering how she'll even manage to ride it. With hundreds of paparazzi's around and hours to put into shooting, she better learn to be fast on the bicycle (some Vo2 max intervals should do it) or the bike's better off hung on a wall.
February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter Ron
I just rented a Dutch bike while I was in Portland and with the geometry of that bike, she couldn't outrun a one-legged boy on a Walmart bike.
February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter bother yam
Great and funny article, Dave. Ron has it right. For these people, $12,000 is chump change. It doesn't make them any more intelligent, but it still makes their bank statement heavier than mine.

Thanks for the laughs...and that probably is how the conversation went down!
February 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter Maltese Falcon
Very creative writing. I could see this happening.
February 12, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter SD_pedalpower
Si, ciao.
February 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter tjan
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