Don’t pursue happiness, reach out and take it

I couldn’t believe it this morning when I fired up my computer, went online and read this article that started out:

Is this endless pursuit of happiness just making us all miserable? We've said our affirmations, drunk coffee out of cheesy mugs with nonsensical motivational quotes like, "CLIMB AS HIGH AS YOU CAN DREAM!", and bought millions of tomes on getting rich quick while thinking positive thoughts.

Therein lies the problem, people are not pursuing happiness; they are pursuing wealth and material things in the misguided belief that it will bring them happiness.

Even the term “Pursuit of Happiness,” is wrong in my view. To pursue something means it is constantly ahead, just out of reach. You do not pursue something you already have in your hand.

You choose happiness; in simple terms, choose to be happy. You can do that whatever your circumstances; there is always someone worse off than you are.

What is the alternative, that we hide in a hole, cover our heads and wait for someone else to deliver us happiness on a plate? If a person finds they have cancer, should they give up hope and die, or fight it?

So many desperately seek relationships, thinking, “If I could find the perfect relationship, then I will be happy.” Choose happiness first and a person is more likely to find new friends and relationships. People gravitate towards upbeat and happy individuals; who wants to hang around with someone negative and miserable?

In her new book, Bright-Sided: How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America,  Barbara Ehrenreich calls positive thinking a "mass delusion." She argues that an unrelenting drive to train our brains to overlook problems and blame ourselves for failures has blinded us to inequality, incompetence, and stupidity.

I’ll buy that to a certain extent, it is the belief that all it takes is positive thinking to become immensely wealthy, that is wrong. Oprah Winfrey is criticized in a promo for the book, saying she is to blame for constantly pushing the positive thinking message.

Whether or not you are a fan of Ms. Winfrey is neither here nor there; no one can deny she came from a background of extreme poverty, and rose to the other extreme of success and wealth. She did it though sheer hard work and ambition, and what is ambition but positive thinking.

Oprah did not get where she is by negative thinking; it is only natural she pushes the positive thinking message. But if anyone thinks they can simply sit on their arse and think themselves wealthy, it is they who are delusional, not Oprah Winfrey.

I will never give up on keeping a positive outlook on life. I have never been happier than I am right now; I lead a simple existence, all my needs are fulfilled. What more can I ask for?

For a number of years I have held on to the belief that my life, my circumstances if you prefer, will constantly improve and never get worse. This has been the case.

I live my life by two simple rules:
1.) I try to hurt no one by thought, word or deed
2.) I take responsibility for my own happiness

Think about it, if everyone in the world lived by these two rules it would be the end to all problems. No one would get hurt, and everyone would be happy.

I would be interested to hear your views, but please don’t be like the article that prompted this piece, and put down positive thinking without putting forward an alternative better idea

Thinking makes it so

Most people believe in the power of positive thinking.

People with a positive outlook on life tend to lead happier, successful and more fulfilling lives.

The medical profession is now accepting the idea that prayer can help a person sick or injured in their recovery.

Studies have shown that a person with a large group of family and friends praying for their recovery, heal faster than someone without such support. As I see it, a prayer is nothing more than a positive thought, and a positive thought is, in a way, an unspoken prayer.

So if a positive thought or prayer can help heal a sick or injured person, then I believe it is entirely possible that a negative thought caused the illness or accident in the first place.

I always find it interesting and satisfying when I discover something for myself, then find out that great minds have been thinking this way for hundreds of years. William Shakespeare, born over 400 years ago, said in Hamlet:

Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

The Bard obviously had grasped the idea that positive and negative thoughts are indeed creative. I should point out that we all have negative thoughts from time to time.

However, it is only when we hold on to that thought and it becomes a firm belief, do we give it power. Negative thoughts need to be replaced with positive ones.

Another thing I have observed in my life, is this: When something tends to annoy me, whatever it is will keep re-occurring. I am talking here of the behavior of others that would appear to be out of my control.

I will give you an example. When I lived in California, whenever I was backing my car out of a parking space, someone would drive behind me at a great rate of speed. I would see someone flash by in my rear view mirror.

This would make me so angry. When backing out of a parking space, most times you cannot see because of other cars parked beside you. All you can do is back up slowly and carefully, and hope that others will have the kindness and consideration to slow and watch out for you.

In 1994 I moved to Eugene, Oregon; traffic there was lighter than California, and parking lots less crowded. However, my almost daily ritual of backing up slowly and someone zooming past behind me at a high rate of speed continued.

I would slam on the brakes, always a little late, because they were gone as quickly as they appeared, sit there and cuss and swear some, then continue backing out slowly.

Then one day I was leaving my apartment building, backing out from the parking lot, and sure enough in my rear view mirror I saw a car go flying past behind me. I began my usually tirade of verbal abuse, then I stopped and turned the engine off and sat there thinking about what had occurred.

This was a quiet private parking lot; there was an alleyway that ran parallel with the street, connecting all the parking lots behind the apartments and houses.

I realized I could sit there for another ten or fifteen minutes before another car passed behind me. What were the chances that a car would pass by at the precise moment I was backing out? I was at a point in my life where I was starting to observe my own thought patterns, and my own behavior.

The next time I was leaving a parking space I remembered this incident and again I thought about the chances that someone would drive by at that moment. I backed slowly out without incident.

Soon after, on occasions I would back out without thinking and sure enough someone would drive behind me. Instead of becoming angry, I would remember I had forgotten to reinforce my actions with a conscious positive thought. Eventually, this occurrence stopped completely. Today I rarely encounter this problem.

I constantly read on bike forums, and other bike blogs, of re-occurring bad experiences some cyclists have while riding. Someone drives too close, honks at them, hurls abuse or even trash. This would appear on the surface to be the behavior of others, over which the individual has no control.

However, if this is happening to you on a regular basis, let me point out there is a common denominator, and that is you. This type of thing rarely happens to me, why should it happen to you?

As an experiment, try this. Be aware of when and where this is happening, is there a pattern? If there is, ask yourself as I did; what are the chances that you encounter a different asshole, in the same place, or under the same circumstances.

Before you ride, reinforce your thoughts with a positive thought that you will not encounter this type of behavior. If it does happen, observe your own thoughts and reaction, and try not to become angry.

The anger is the negativity manifesting itself. There is a subconscious negative thought creating the bad occurrence. Because the event seems to be outside of our control, the negative thought goes undetected and the bad experience re-occurs.

Become an observer of your own thoughts and your reactions to them. Thoughts are creative, learned doctors say so, wise men throughout the ages have said so. Remember although it often appears we have no control over the behavior of others; we always have control over our own thoughts.

The Apple Tree

Two men set out on separate journeys. One was on a quest to find God; the other had no thoughts of God whatsoever. In fact he was not even sure there was a God; he simply needed an answer to the question, “Who am I?” Eventually the two men found themselves at the same destination.

The one man found God and in doing so discovered his true self; the other in searching for himself, found God. This is not surprising; the two are connected and you cannot find one without the other.

One had gone in search of an apple tree and on finding it, discovered the fruit. The other was on a quest to find the apple and in doing so discovered the tree it grew on.

This apple tree analogy started out as a tiny paragraph in the closing chapters of my novel Prodigal Child, published in 2003. One could weave many variations on this theme, such as a man who enjoys the apples, but doesn’t really care about the tree, or maybe doesn’t even believe there is a tree.

I’m sure I lost readers as soon as I mentioned the word “God.” It is a simple word, just three letters; spelled backwards it is Dog; yet it is guaranteed to make some feel uncomfortable enough that they will stop reading or dismiss the whole piece.

Shakespeare said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” An apple in different languages is known by a different word, but it is still the same piece of fruit. If I use the terms of the different religions of the world, it is still the same Deity or Entity; I choose to use the simplest word I know which is God.

Believing in love is easier for some than believing in God, and when it comes down to basics it is the same thing.

All the religions have a single theme: That God is Love. Lennon and McCartney said, “All you need is love,” and there has never been a truer word spoken. A man, who truly loves himself and loves the rest of mankind, has found God in my way of thinking; even if he doesn’t see it that way. Because all you need is love, and love is all there is.

I was the person who set out on a journey to find myself. I hated myself, and I could see no rhyme, reason, or purpose for my being here. Those of you, who know the biblical story of the Prodigal Son, will remember when the son decided to return home to his Father, the Father came out to meet him.

The meaning of this story was brought home to me when I started looking for a reason for my own existence, things started to happen, small miracles occurred, created by nothing but my own positive thoughts. I knew some Higher Power, or Universal Intelligence was at work. Not only was it at work, but It was a part of me, and I was part of It. Like the apple and the tree.

I cannot prove to anyone that there is a God, or Higher Power; that is up to each individual to find for themselves, if they are so inclined. It is like saying to me, “Prove to me that sugar is sweet.” The proof that sugar is sweet is in experiencing or tasting of it. If you refuse to taste sugar, of if sugar is not available to you, how can I prove its sweetness by mere words.

You may believe me when I tell you that sugar is sweet, just as religion tells us there is a God, but can you be sure that I have actually tasted sugar, or have I simply learned that it is sweet, from others?

I said I found God, (Again, I emphasize, just a convenient word I use.) I did not say I found religion. Religion, in my book, takes something that is already difficult enough to explain, and makes it even more complicated.

All you really need to do is just taste the fucking sugar. And if that word made you feel uncomfortable, maybe you are not so different than those who are uncomfortable with the “God” word

In the Dumpster of Life

People email me with all kinds of questions about bikes and I have to admit I know a lot, but not everything.

Someone might find a frame in the dumpster and email me pictures asking if I know what it is. I may know, I may not, I may offer an educated guess.

When looking for answers, concentrate on what you already know, not on what you don’t know. When you pull a frame from the dumpster look at the dropouts. Are they forged steel like Campagnolo? If so, it is probably a quality frame. If the dropouts are stamped from sheet steel, it is of lesser quality.

The exception would be, if it were an antique, pre dating forged dropouts. (1950s and earlier.) Then you look at the quality of the lug work, etc. You can ask an expert who will give you an educated guess, an opinion.

Nine times out of ten, it is nothing of value, which is why it was in the dumpster to begin with. If a person really needs another beater bike, then build it up and ride it, and enjoy it. Alternatively, give it to someone who needs it more than you do, or throw it back in the dumpster and forget about it.

In life too, it is more important where life's journey has taken us, rather than the point we started. In fact once we have left that point it is of little significance. More important is the direction we continue to steer ourselves on the road of life.

I once knew a young man who didn’t know who his father was, and was a basket case as a result. His mother wouldn’t tell him and a possible reason was that he was the result of some drunken one night stand and she didn’t know who the father was.

If this was the case then honesty with her son might have been the better course, although not necessarily. Had she been honest, he may have been even more troubled, because now he would know that he could never find the answer. Perhaps that knowledge would have alienated him from the one person who truly loved him, his mother.

Did he really need to know where he came from? He was here on this planet, he was healthy, fit, intelligent, tall, good looking; he had a hell of a lot going for him. Instead, he was a failure in life, and blamed it all on the fact that he didn’t know who his father was.

He would have done better had he concentrated on what he knew. He had a mother who loved him; he had a good education, etc. etc. Instead he was obsessed by the unknown.

My father was the parent from hell; I have written about him here and elsewhere. I turned out all right in spite of this, would I have turned out any better or worse if I had not known who my father was?

Had my father died before I was old enough to know him, I would still be the same person. The path my life took was the direction I decided to travel; it had nothing to do with where I came from, or from where I started.

Some of us are born more privileged than others, our country of birth for a start. But that is like the frame we find in the dumpster. It might be a Charlton or a Colnago, a Huffy or a Hetchins. Build any of them into a bike and they will get you from A to B. Make do with what you have.

Knowledge is a wonderful thing, but there will always be more questions than answers; some knowledge we seek just for the sake of it. Having certain knowledge does not always improve the quality of our life.

It seems to me knowledge often comes to us on a need to know basis. We might be riding our unknown dumpster bike one day and someone will ride up along side us and say, “I’ve got one of those.”

In the “dumpster” of life, we will find many things; some treasures, some trash. We take what we can use, the rest we discard. Some things we find may appear to be worthless but turn out to be treasures, and vice-versa.

Sometimes we think we have found treasure; we find a job or a relationship and become very excited, only to find later we should have left it in the dumpster.

Footnote: This article was previously used, but I recycled it, edited and reworked it. In other words I pulled it from my dumpster of old posts, because it was worth another look.

Living in the Moment

I learned something the other day; I read that the human brain is only about 3% of our body mass, but it uses 20% of our oxygen intake. This is probably why a bike ride is so mentally refreshing.

Even if a person has some serious problems it is hard to even think of these and ride a bike at the same time.

I imagine the brain automatically cuts down on the thought process in order to conserve oxygen needed for the physical effort.

Meditation, clearing the mind of all thought, takes concentration and practice as you sit quietly; otherwise random thoughts constantly slip back into one’s mind.

On the other hand, go for a three hour bike ride at a brisk pace and you will probably not have a single extraneous thought the entire three hours. It would be extremely difficult to sit and meditate for three straight hours.

Much of our daily thought process is superfluous; idle chatter about nothing. When thoughts are bad such as worrying over a problem it is not a good thing.

As much as some of us would like, we can’t ride our bikes all day long, but we can train ourselves to remain in the same wonderful mental state we experience while riding. That is living in the moment.

The moment is the only thing that is real; most idle random thoughts are either about the past or the future and by engaging in such thought we slip out of the moment into realms of imagination about the future, or memories of the past; neither of which are real.

What is life but a succession of moments one after another? If the moment you are in is a pleasant and happy one, then you have a pleasant and happy life.

If at this moment you have a problem, the great thing about living in the moment is, if one moment is not particularly pleasant, there will be another along right after it.

Dwelling on the past is a pointless exercise; no matter how hard you try your past will never get any better or worse for that matter. What is the point of reliving unpleasant experiences and feeling the pain all over again? Or longing for happier times you may have previously experienced. It is not real; it is in your head.

Worrying is another futile pursuit; often the problem is only imagined in the first place. I heard worry described as "Praying for something we don't want."

Even if a problem is inevitable, time enough to deal with it, if and when it arrives. Why torment yourself in the days or weeks leading up to the event? Remember with any problem; before the problem you were, after the problem you still are. The problem is transient, you are not.

How do you get to live in the moment? Ride your bike is one way, or practice meditation, but often we can slip out of the moment once we stop bike riding or meditating.

What worked for me was to become an observer of my mind; I become aware of my thoughts and recognized when I was slipping out of the moment and into the past or future. Just by being aware of these thoughts is enough to stop it.

Another thing we tend to do and not realize we are doing it is to compare ourselves to others. Family members, co-workers, even strangers on the street.

By doing this we feel either inferior or superior to the person we are comparing; both are not good. If you feel inferior it is not good for your self esteem, and if you feel superior then you are pre-judging that person and not having pleasant thoughts towards them.

The old cliché “Money can’t buy happiness,” is true. Happiness is not dependent on material things; it is a state of mind. And by simply being aware of the mind, and its thought processes, it is fairly easy to reach that state.

Life is but a journey through a succession of moments, but it is a more pleasant ride if you are aware of each moment. The following is part of one of my song lyrics.

The unknown road I travel on is of my own creation, and the journey means more to me than the destination.

"The Pursuit of Happiness," I feel is not a good term. It implies that we have to chase happiness in order to reach it. To pursue something puts it somewhere in the future, which if you believe what you have read so far, the future is only imagined and therefore unreal.

If you take the attitude that when I have achieved certain goals in life, or when I am in the right relationship, then I will be happy, you are in pursuit of happiness. Choose happiness now, this moment. All else will follow.