Dave Moulton

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Entries in April Fool (5)

Monday
Apr012019

A New Cycling Hazard

There is a new hazard for cyclists that has been brought to my attention. 

The chances of anyone experiencing this is remote, but never the less it would be remiss of me if I didn’t pass on this information. 

It is a strange phenomenon known as Spontaneous Cyclo Combustion. (SCC.) It is similar to Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC.) but is relatively new. 

The first recorded case took place in Southern Italy in 1985, whereas SHC has been around for hundreds of years.

Since the late 1990s there has been a rapid increase in the reported cases, in the last two years there were four incidents in the US alone. Two in Arizona, one in Nevada, and one Southern California. SCC seems to be more prevalent in hot, dry climates.

Prior to last year, in all known cases, the victims of SCC for some unknown reason, had all been riding alone. In each case the cyclist’s charred remains were found, usually a short distance from their bicycle, as if they had dropped their bike and tried to run from the source of heat before being totally consumed by fire.

However, in one of the Arizona incidents last year there was a witness. Two cyclists, let’s call them Tom and Brad. Tom is deceased, Brad wishes to have his name withheld for reasons that will become apparent. The two were riding in the desert somewhere north of Scottsdale, when Tom the stronger rider dropped Brad on a long climb.

By the top of the hill, Tom was some 300 yards ahead. Brad looked up and saw a bright glow ahead. At first he thought it was a trick of the sun on the hot asphalt, but then he heard cries for help from his friend. By the time Brad reached his friend, his bike lay by the roadside and Tom was fully engulfed in flames some thirty feet away.

Brad grabbed his water bottle and ran to help his friend. However, the heat was so intense he could only get within ten feet of the fire, and in less than a minute all that remained of Tom was a heap of smoldering black ash.

Brad called 911 and while he waited for the police and EMS he took pictures with his cell phone. When the police arrived Brad was promptly arrested on suspicion of murdering his friend. He was held for several days then interviewed by the FBI. After the interview, he was allowed to go home but never told that he was cleared of any wrongdoing. Which is why Brad wishes to remain anonymous.

On arriving home he discovered the pictures he took had been erased from his cell phone. It appears in such cases where some strange phenomenon occurs, our government becomes secretive, and suppresses information. 

In the California incident, also last year, it is believed a cyclist who spontaneously combusted accidentally started one of the more serious wild fires that plagued that state. California fire investigators denied it, in what appears to be an official cover up. However, they did say if anyone should catch fire, to resist the urge to run into the surrounding chaparral. 

So why the increase in cases of SCC in recent years? Scientists believe it is directly related to carbon fiber frames. It is believed that it is triggered by a buildup of static electricity caused by the friction between the plastic saddle, and the polyester fibers in the shorts. 

The padding in the shorts is usually highly flammable which adds to the problem, and may even be the primary key in this whole SCC issue. It is like the cyclist is sitting on a fuse to a potential incendiary bomb.

With the cyclist firmly seated in the saddle, the heat quickly travels from the source, straight up through the core of the cyclist's body and the combustion spreads from the inside. A frightening prospect.
 
With the old steel frames this static electricity was constantly dispersed throughout the frame. A spokesman for Brooks Saddles in England said, " We have known about this for years, but were afraid to make it public because.......well......we might have appeared a little cuckoo." 

He added, "It's the reason we increased the size of the copper rivets in our saddles. (Picture right.) Copper, as you know, is an excellent conductor of electricity and it directs the static electricity away from the danger zone."

So what can a cyclist do to avoid this slight but definite hazard, besides riding a steel frame with a Brooks saddle. Well help is on the way, manufacturers of plastic saddles and shorts are getting together to find which materials do not cause static build up. 

It will be necessary to buy the correct shorts to go with a certain saddle. Each will have a warning label, and a code letter. (A, B, or C.) A type “A” saddle must be used with type “A” shorts, and it is not recommended that you mix code letters, or you may be actually be placing yourself at an increased risk.

These new saddles and shorts will not be available probably until early 2020. So what can a concerned cyclist do in the mean time? The incidents are so rare that I am not suggesting cyclists should become paranoid to the extent of carrying a fire extinguisher.

However, there are any number of proprietary flame retardant materials available, that you can use to treat the padding, and make your shorts fire proof. Or, you can simply keep the padding damp throughout your ride with water from your bottle.

There is a website with more information at BlazingSaddles.org

 

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Friday
Apr012011

A different round the world trip

This unusual story of a round the world journey by bicycle was recently brought to my attention. Way Wong a 26 year old Chinese student set out in late February from his home in Yinchuan in central China.

Almost all round the world journeys go from east to west, or west to east, but Wong is headed north and he has already crossed the border into Mongolia. From there he will continue to ride north through Russia.

Wong’s father, a wealthy industrialist is sponsoring the trip along with the Chinese government. The young cyclist will be constantly tracked by GPS and when he reaches Russia’s northern coast line, a boat will be waiting to ferry him across to the Polar Icecap.

On this part of the trip he will be accompanied by a dog sled team that will carry supplies. His bike for the journey over the soft snow will be a special one that has the front wheel replaced by twin skis, and the rear wheel replaced with a rubber track similar to a snowmobile. For the hard packed snow and ice sections Wong will use bike with studded ice tires.

The timing of this trip is crucial; Wong plans to cross the North Pole in summer when temperatures are at the highest. Depending on the temperatures and the condition of the ice, if necessary he will be picked up by boat again for the short trip into Northern Canada.

From there it will be a straight shot down the west coast of the Americas, from Alaska to the southern tip of Chile. In order to catch the seasons and cross both Poles in summer it will be necessary for Way Wong to keep up a blistering pace.

He will have to average 68 miles per day; obviously he will not do this on the Polar crossing, so he will make up the milage later. It will be on this fast downhill section along America’s West Coast that Wong hopes to make up time. 

He plans to reach Central America by next autumn so that as he crosses into the Southern Hemisphere it will be Spring and Summer again by the time he crosses by boat from the southern tip of Chile to begin his journey across the South Pole. Here he will be joined by the same dog sled team he used for the northern trip.

After crossing the South Pole it will be a long uphill slog back to China, but Wong is confident; he will have the advantage of all those miles in his legs, and there will be many more boat trips with relatively short land sections in-between.

There will be the longest boat trip from Antarctica to Albany on the south-west tip of Australia; Wong will then ride up the west coast to Darwin in Northern Australia. From there by boat again to Indonesia, Thailand then back into Mainland China.

Wong is looking for volunteer cyclists to help as a pace line, especially down the US West Coast and also along Australia’s west coastline. There is a tentative plan for the Australian leg of the trip, to use trained kangaroos to carry water and energy bars in their pouches.

However, the animal’s trainers have run into a glitch, in that the kangaroos have learned how to unwrap the energy bars, and are eating them. The BBC is filming a documentary of this epic ride; the title will be “Wrong Way Wong.” You can read more here.

 

                          

Thursday
Apr012010

Simple Dog Repellent


I never know from one day to the next what interesting email will drop into my inbox. Take for example the one I received a few days ago from a young engineering student from the UK.

Edwin DePrise grew up in Africa, Kenya to be exact, where his father was an animal conservationist. From an early age he discovered that the purpose of a Zebra’s black and white stripes is to confuse a predator like a lion for example that might be chasing it.

Forward to today and Edwin is a cyclist who noticed how dogs will often chase, even attack a cyclist. A dog is a predator and to the canine brain a cyclist gliding silently by might just as well be a deer in flight.

Edwin has developed this simple but ingenious little device that easily clips on the side of a cycling shoe that effectively confuses and deters any dog who gets close enough to bite a cyclist’s ankles.

It consists of a spinning disc inside a clear plastic casing. (See diagram left.)

The disc is divided into six segments colored alternatively black and white. A pair of these clip on the outside edge of either shoe.

The disc is pivoted slightly off center so the pedaling motion causes the disc to spin. This confuses the dog enough that it makes him hesitate or jump back as he goes to bite.

The result is the dog misses his mark and usually ends up getting his nose clipped by the spinning spokes of the rear wheel.

This actually caused Edwin some problems when he was testing the device. He found once the dog had had his nose rapped in such a way it was reluctant to chase again, rendering the dog useless for further testing.

This problem was overcome by fitting the test bike with a solid aero disc wheel on the rear. Some engineer's blue marking dye smeared on the sides of the disc wheel showed up on the dog’s nose, and a hit was recorded.

The idea is still under development. One problem has arisen, namely the left disc spins in a counter-clockwise direction and is effective 91% of times tested; whereas the disc on the right shoe spins clockwise and is effective only 47% of the time. The reason for this is not quite clear.

This makes the device work quite well in the UK where cyclists ride on the left side of the road, and most dog attacks there originate from the left side.

One simple low-tech solution Edwin is considering is a little red knob in the center of the right side disc so a cyclist could manually spin the disc in a counter-clockwise direction, should a dog attack occur. 

The device is not yet on the market; Edwin is currently shopping the idea to several manufactures. He expects the price to be very reasonable. He does not have a brand name yet; he refers to it as a Canine Repellent Ankle Protector (CRAP)

Go to http://www.crap.com/ for more info
 

Wednesday
Apr012009

Tour de France could become fixed again

A recent Wall Street Journal article about the Tour de France and the fact that the family owned company that puts on this anual event, is considering selling it.

There was speculation that Lance Armstrong might be interested in buying, however, Lance immediately rejected the idea saying. “I love the Tour de France, but I am not interested in owning it.”

The latest news is that a young French Internet Billionaire, named Jacques LeLad, is the latest to show interest in the event. If this happens, it will change the Tour de France as we know it. LeLad is a twenty-something French Hipster and fixed wheel enthusiast. His plans are to change the TDF to a fixed only event.

The Tour de France does of course have a fixed wheel history. From its beginnings in 1903 up until 1938, the event was restricted to a single fixed gear. This was at the whim of then owner Henri Desgrange, whose opinion was that multiple gears took away from the purity and simplicity of the sport. Multiple gears had been available some years before 1938.

In the old days of the race, it took a course over the French Alps as it does today.

The single gear riders would stop at the foot of a climb, remove the rear wheel, and turn it around to a larger sprocket on the opposite side of the wheel. Repeating the process again at the top of the mountain in readiness for the descent.

In a recent interview, Jacques LeLad said that if his bid was successful there would be no more mountain stages. Through a translator he said,

“Fixie Bikes are of the street, and that is where the race should be.”

It will become a series of street races held in the larger French cities. The competitors will travel from one stage to the next in tour buses.

When asked if he thought the French public would come out to watch such an event, LeLad replied that he was unconcerned about spectators, as the event would draw fixie enthusiasts from all over the world. “They will be ’ere in their millions.” He quipped.

The sad thing is that he is probably right, and in this economy the French government is not going to turn away millions of potential tourists. It is doubtful the French government will stand in the way of this move.

The UCI, (The world governing body of cycling.) is powerless in the matter, as the Tour de France organizers, are a privately owned company.

There is a website where fans of the Tour de France as we know it can lodge a protest. At this time it is all we can do.

 

 

Sunday
Apr012007

The National Enquirer to Sponsor a Pro Cycling Team


Regular readers of my blog will remember an early story I did about a special bike I built in 1978 for the National Enquirer, and how they owed me a story. It appears that a few weeks ago an executive at that publication found my blog during a Google search.

I am pleased to announce that The Enquirer has gone way above and beyond just doing an article, and are talking about full-blown sponsorship of a professional team to be entered in the 2008 Tour de France.

The exiting news is that the team will be riding my bikes. As I write this, people at the Enquirer are scouring EBay and Craigslist looking for suitable bikes and equipment.

The executive I spoke with, whose name I am not at liberty to divulge just happens to be a huge fan of 1980s lugged steel. I questioned how he expected the team to compete on “old tech” equipment. His answer was simple. Steroids.

This just goes to show the forward-thinking-ness of the Enquirer. At a time when everyone else is trying to rid sport of drugs, here is an outfit with the balls to come out and say that modern professional sport demands stimulants.

As he pointed out to me, people these days go to a ballpark and want to see some freak with a large head, knock one over the stands. So, what greater spectacle than a guy built like a semi-truck, winning stage after stage, charging through the pack like a 280 lb. ball through a set of bowling pins.

While on the subject of large heads he doubted anyone on the team would fit into a modern Styrofoam helmet. With this in mind, his plans are to go full retro with wool jerseys and leather hairnet style helmets that would be easier to custom fit.

The intention is to hand select team members as soon as possible so they can start ’roiding up for the rest of this year in preparation for the 2008 season. It was mentioned that it is essential for the team to be on lugged steel. “These guys will tear a carbon fiber frame apart like a baby with a balsa wood airplane.” Was one quote.

No one at the Enquirer seemed too perturbed when I pointed out the Tour has stringent rules and drug tests in place. Again, I quote, “We’ll deal with that issue when the time comes with good old American ingenuity, good attorneys, and a few well placed bribes.”

I have to admit when it comes to bullshit, no one is better equipped to deal with it than the Enquirer; they have been specializing in it for years. It should be interesting.


Charleston, SC April 1st, 2007.