Dave Moulton

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Entries in Fiction and Poetry (16)

Friday
Jun272008

Friday Fun: Limericks

I composed some limericks for your amusement, with a cycling flavor of course.

A professional golfer from Spain
Decided cycling would be his new game
He had a good year
'Til he slipped a gear
And dimpled his balls on the frame.

A roadie pedaling hard as he could
Was passed by a "Fred;" that’s not good
Legs, hairy and pale
With a flapping shirt tail
And a dirty sweat shirt with a hood.

Riding my bike, who would guess?
That I would come off second best
Got into a fight
With a girl at a light
Turned out, was a bloke* in a dress.

*bloke = man

This last one tells a story in four verses.

A weight weenie said with a grin
My bike is the lightest it’s been
I’ve got ceramic balls
That weigh nothing at all
Then his bike blew away in the wind.

It sailed ’cross the sky like a kite
Gave airline pilots a fright
Made the six o’clock news
And Larry King too
Spoke of a runaway satellite.

Landed in some Middle East Nation
They asked the US for explanation
But even Dick Cheney
Couldn’t explain the
Mysterious flying sensation.

The CIA probed the mystery
And George Bush had to go on TV
Let this be a lesson
A weight weenie’s obsession
Could’ve started World War III.

Thursday
May222008

A short story: AJ, the cyclist, and a large brown dog

Driving his old Ford truck on Rural Route 61; AJ was rolling along at about sixty, his usual 5 mph over the speed limit. Some distance three cars were ahead of him. As they approached a bend in the road, he saw the brake lights come on.

As he caught up and took his place behind the other three, he noticed a lone cyclist up ahead. "Damn cyclist," he mumbled, "Why do they have to ride in the middle of the road?"

Actually, the cyclist wasn't in the middle of the road, he was about two feet out from the edge of the lane, but with traffic approaching from the opposite direction, the lead car driver was being cautious.

The opposing traffic passed and the first three cars went around the cyclist. AJ realized he would have to wait as another vehicle was coming towards them. "Damn it," he cussed again.

The car passed and AJ when around the cyclist. He thought about honking his horn just to show his displeasure at the delay, but instead he just hit the gas pedal hard and roared by in a demonstration of raw power.

A few miles further on he saw brake lights again, and as he caught up to the same three cars, he saw them stop, then one by one swing clear over to the opposing lane. As the last car completed this maneuver, he saw the reason.

A large brown dog was trotting along the edge of the road. Strangely, AJ showed no anger or frustration this time. Just fear that the animal would suddenly dart across the road in front of an approaching van.

He stayed back some distance so as not to startle it, and when the van had passed, he took a wide sweep around the dog as the other drivers had done. He even considered stopping to pick it up, he had thought about getting a dog, but it probably belonged to someone living close by.

Some nine months earlier AJ had taken early retirement when the company he worked for had been making cutbacks. He and his wife had bought an old farmhouse on about eight acres in a rural area. He had bought the old truck to haul lumber and other materials. This particular day he was on his way to pick up some fence posts from a farming supply depot, some fifteen miles along Route 61.

AJ picked up the fence posts and as he pulled out from the supply depot. The road was clear except for a cyclist, the same one he had seen earlier. He waited for him to pass; now there was traffic coming in the opposite direction. "Damn it, that's the second time you've held me up today," he complained to himself, wishing the cyclist could hear him.

AJ turned towards home. Some four or five miles into the return trip, the old truck spluttered, and then stalled. He was on a downgrade so he was able to coast then pull onto a patch of dirt at the side of the road. After several unsuccessful attempts to start the engine, he got out of the truck, lifted the hood, and stared at the engine.

He was not even sure why he was doing this, he had no tools with him, and even if he had, he would not know where to start. He had been an accountant all his life, and had absolutely no mechanical knowledge. He reached in his back pocket for his cell phone, it was not there.

Then he remembered he had left the phone charging overnight in the kitchen. It was not in its usual place on the dresser with his wallet and change. "Now what?" he mumbled as he looked up and down the road. Nothing but farmland and open fields in either direction.

There was no alternative but to walk, and he had to walk on the road, tall grass and weeds at the side made it impossible to walk there. There was a white fog line painted on the edge of the road and no more than a few inches of paved road beyond that; AJ started to walk along this white line. He could have crossed over and walked facing the oncoming traffic, but he was hoping someone would stop and offer him a ride.

He had not walked far when he heard a car coming; he turned and waved a thumb. The car roared on by without even slowing. He walked on and the same thing happened again. He quickly realized his chances of getting a ride were slim. He was not particularly well dressed, and he never stopped to pick up hitchhikers.

He stopped pausing and turning every time a car approached from behind, it was pointless. For a while, he walked with his left thumb out, but then discontinued that as he resigned himself to a long walk home.

He noticed when there were no cars coming towards him, cars would swing over to the other side to pass. However, when there was traffic in both directions, they passed by a 60 mph with no thought of slowing down, often missing him by inches.

At one time, a large eighteen-wheeler went by, and although it missed him by at least two feet, its shear size, and those huge wheels, gave AJ the scare of his life. And the back draft almost blew him off his feet.

He must have walked at least five or six miles and was by now in a trance like state when he heard a cheery “Good morning.” The same cyclist he had seen twice before that day sped silently by him.

Somewhat startled AJ didn’t respond immediately, then called out, “Do you have a cell phone?” The cyclist had gone on by and did not understand what AJ had said. Then sensing it was a call for help, the cyclist slowed.

He looked back over his shoulder for traffic. It was clear and he did a U-turn and rode back to AJ. “Do you need help?” he asked. “Yes, do you have a cell phone?”
“I do,” answered the cyclist as he came to a stop and reached into his rear pocket for the phone.

“Thank God,” AJ said as he took the phone. “I broke down miles back and I must have walked for over an hour.” Just then, a car approached, “Here, let’s get off the road,” AJ said, “These damn cars won’t give you an inch.”

“Tell me about it,” said the cyclist. “That’s why I always ride about two or three feet from the edge of the road. It forces drivers to slow and make a conscious effort to pass me. Otherwise they just blow by as if I wasn’t there, missing me by inches.”

“What motorists don’t realize is, if I ride on this white line,” the cyclist stomped on the line with his heel to emphasize. “There are large pot-holes or places where the road simply disappears; not to mention tree braches and other debris lying at the edge. If I come up on one of these obstacles, either I hit it, with the risk falling into the road, or I swerve out into the road. With cars passing within inches at a high rate of speed, both could be deadly.”

AJ was inclined to agree with the cyclist but didn’t answer as he felt rather hypocritical in view of his previous attitude. The cyclist continued, “That’s why I ride out there, the inside wheels of the cars having worn it smooth. It is safer, and people can see me.”

AJ called his wife and told her what had happened. “Help is on the way,” he said as he handed the phone back to the cyclist. “Thank you so much,” he added. He looked at the cyclist for the first time and was surprised that he was an older man, maybe about his own age. Earlier when he saw him, he imagined him to be much younger.

“Do you need a drink?” The cyclist offered AJ his water bottle. “Thanks, I will.” As AJ took a drink, the large brown dog appeared, wagging his tail and slinking down at AJ’s feet. ”Do you think he needs a drink too?” the cyclist asked.

“Probably,” AJ answered, “I saw him earlier on my way out here.” AJ cupped his hands together as the cyclist poured some water for the dog to drink.” The dog lapped up the water.” Looks like you found yourself a dog.”

"It would seem like it.” AJ answered as the cyclist mounted his bike again and pushed off. “Thank you again,” AJ called out as he pulled away. “Glad to be of help,” the cyclist called back.

AJ slipped his belt from his pants and looped it around the dog’s collarless neck. “Here boy, let’s sit under this tree and wait for Momma.”



Footnote: The above is a short work of fiction, one that could take place anywhere in the US. (Or the world.)

Just a different way to get the safety message across. Also, to explain to motorists that we ride a certain way in the interest of our own safety.


Wednesday
Oct312007

A Halloween Story

Lone cyclist, breathing hard
drawing in the cold night air.
Yorkshire moors, late October
up ahead a dim light flickers.

Wondering what the light could be
for all the world looks like a flame.
Descending now and closing fast
a coach and horses, team of four.

Not a sound from coach and team
tries to reason, must be real.
Reaches out and grabs a hold
coasting now, being towed.

Two oil lamps, one each side
bright when fanned by evening breeze.
Cyclist wonders, eyes play tricks
decides to stop and wait a while.

Feet on ground, astride his bike
blows on fingers growing cold.
Watching light not far ahead
cyclist ponders on his options.

Riding on a circular course
he’d gone too far, no turning back.
Night air chilling, must move on
in minutes he’d caught up again.

Eyes straining in the dark
looking up to see who’s driving.
Coachman outlined, moonlit sky
cyclist can’t believe his eyes.

A shiver runs, not from cold
a headless coachman driving team.
Cyclist slows, dropping back
trying hard to think things through.

Riding slowly, growing colder
stay behind and wait his chance.
Road will widen up ahead
changes up to higher gear.

Out of saddle, sprinting hard
slight downhill assists his speed.
Flashes by the ambling coach
startled horses rear in fright.

Cyclist feels the biting pain
of horsewhip on his shoulder blade
Silence gone, now the sound
of thundering hooves and cracking whip.

Cyclist riding for his life
uphill climb, lungs are bursting.
Coach is gaining, muscles burning
as he crests the final climb.

Down below the lights of home
shining in the misty night.
Cyclist spinning, highest gear
flashes past the first street lamp.

Listens now but hears no sound
turns to find the coach is gone.
Home again, bike inside
stumbles as he climbs the stairs.

Morning light, he awakes
lays there thinking of his dream.
Bathroom mirror, turns to look
a bright red weal across his back.

Wednesday
Oct172007

I have nothing today

Because I was fortunate
To build a bike or two
Doesn’t mean that what I say
Is absolutely true

I try to write about the things
I've learned throughout the years
And stimulate the gray stuff
That's in between your ears

Sometimes I will write a piece
On this, that, or the other
Some of you will share my view
And then there’ll be another

Who express a different opine
With words that are quite strong
But often there’s no black or white
There is no right or wrong

And if I make you think about
Your safety when you ride
Then does it really matter
Our opinions collide

Better our opinions
Than your head on solid metal
And you are a statistic
When the dust has settled

I'm not some safety guru
With advice bike riders seek
I’m just the Devil’s Advocate
On a muddy two-way street

If my simple inane writings
Touch one reckless soul
Make him think about his safety
Then I’ve reached my goal

May the rest of you be entertained
And even crack a smile
So I know my time’s not wasted
It all has been worthwhile

Just get out and ride your bike
Be safe along the way
Live to ride, but ride to live
And enjoy another day

So may you be protected
By St. Christopher or God
And if you don’t believe in that
At least you’ve read my blog


Prompted by my last post and the reader’s comments. Seriously, I’d like to thank all for their intelligent, and thought provoking comments. Please keep reading even when I have nothing.
Dave.


Monday
Jul232007

On life’s journey

Paths cross and we meet
Face to face, hands shake
Names soon forgotten or never remembered
Faces stay a little longer.

Others meet on the Information Highway
Paths cross the same, often by chance
No face to see, no hand to shake
Just a name.

Either meeting good or bad
Mostly good, reflecting how people are
That is, mostly good
Lives are touched.

Some glance our way and move on
We never see them again
Others sharing a common interest
Stay a little longer