Survival, Fear and Anger
Mon, March 16, 2015 On the spectrum of emotional feelings, fear and anger sit right next to each other. If we believe our vital instincts stem from mankind’s primitive beginnings, this makes perfect sense. When in danger there are two options, fight or flight. Fear will make you run, if trapped or cornered, anger will make you turn and fight.
I sometimes feel we arrive on this planet with one very basic and simple instruction: Survive. But it is never explained to us how to survive. When, if we would just stop and think about it, if we just live our lives day to day we can do nothing else but survive.
Instead for many life becomes a game of survival. Some think in order to survive it is necessary to please others. To go around being kind, and helping others. Some feel they must control others, and get them to do their bidding.
These two personality types often pair off in relationships, because they each fill a basic need in each other. The one to serve, the other to control and be served. These relationships often end when the one doing all the giving, wakes up one day and asks, “Hey, what am I getting out of this?”
Many of these relationships don’t end but develop into lifelong partnerships of hatred and loathing for each other, but continue because they each still fill that basic need. And when one spouse dies, the other mourns the loss, by greiving more than that of a truly loving relationship.
There will always be leaders and those who follow. We see that in the animal kingdom. The reason communism failed, is because it is a nice idea in theory that we are all equal and we should all share. However, in practice it doesn’t work because there is always a large percentage of the population who are lazy-asses and won’t pull their full share of the work load.
There is nothing wrong with the leader motivated by ambition of a better life. But there are two types of leader. The best kind are those who are intellectually superior, and lead from a position of respect. They treat their subordinates with respect, and the subordinates work hard because they genuinely want to help their leader and his company succeed.
The worst kind of leader is the one motivated by pure greed, and the need to control. He treats his subordinates with disrespect, pays them poorly, and controls by bullying tactics and a fear of losing one’s job.
The only useful purpose these bosses and their companies provide, they give employment to the lazy-asses who under communism would live off the system. Bullying and fear of losing a job is the only way to motivate a lazy-ass. These bad corporations always have a large turnover of staff, so any loser can still find a job.
A job is like a marriage or relationship. Just as in the co-dependent marriage, both partners stay because neither is willing to step out of their comfort zone. A person may hate his job by stays because he is not prepared to work any harder than he has to. He becomes good at keeping his job, rather than just being good at his job.
Too many people live right on the edge of fear and anger. These are the ones who practice passive/aggressive patterns of behavior. The back stabbers, the real assholes.
They are angry at you, because they are angry at the whole world. But at the same time they are afraid of you, so they will not get in your face and tell you so. They will hurt you in ways you won’t even know where it came from.
My advice: Learn to recognize these people and stay the fuck away from them. Because that is how you really survive.
Just my opinion, nothing more. Hopefully food for thought. Agree or disagree, let me know.
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Reader Comments (7)
The other day I was riding my bike on the local trail. This is shared by walkers, runners, jogers, dogs,cats, horses (one I rode into one day!) you name it. SO I have on ALL my bikes a bloody BELL. In fact I think I a reputation for this and most people that I pass, wave or give a thubs up etc. Well I passed a couple and I am SURE that I gave the old bell, a ring a din ring. Then I stopped at a rest stop. Low and behold RUNNING towards me,Madder than hell was the woman of the couple I had just passed. saying in effect "Dont you have respect for people on the path cant you say "passing on the left?" warn people that you are passing!" Well I was stunned to say the least. NOW what should have been my reply? OF COURSE as with most people I should been MADDER than Hell my self, that somone would challege my actions, I looked at her, this raving maniac, and I APOLIGISED! saying something like I am sorry I THOUGHT I had rung my bell Did I do the right thing OR should I have told her to go to hell?
In my state of Massachusetts, it is a legal requirement (unenforced) to give warning to pedestrians by an audible signal. If they dont' like it, they can change the law. Sometimes there's just no winning with certain people.
If they made their preferences known by text or whatever on their backs, even then the compliance rate would be low. And maybe they have an outlier excessive startle response, but don't realize they are N exceptional and ridiculous person. In a similar situation, I went back to talk to the person and face with an outburst of anger I merely suggested anger management courses. Maybe they were having a bad day? Were Pavlovian trained to bells?
You can please some of the people all of the time, and you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
Have anyone not been abused, insulted, hurt, mistreated or disappointed by another person?
i am not going lie that i will not react negatively to behavior by others. Recent events taught me it is possible not to react the way i am used to. The feeling that i do not have to be overcome by anger. fear, disappointment, depression ... can be better than hitting back at the other party, and making the perpetrator suffer as much or more.
There is enough hate in our world. If we cannot forgive or forget, maybe we can still choose allow others to ruin our soul. If we are patient enough, life always have an answer...
In thinking about the incident,and the above comments, I guess I had THREE options. Get mad(childish). Be passive (that I did) or jump on my bike and ride off. (admission of guilt?) So Dave what would you have done? (I think I know) Thinking about you article, it seems that this kind of situation comes up a lot in life. With me I have always been a non confront kind, I woud rather try work things out, (as you and I have Dave). Does this make me a milk toast as my daughter would say? Chiefs and Indians? whos who? who says whos who? who has the right to say whos who? Who get of there arse and takes the lead? The more I age, now close to 82 and who knows how much longer I have, The more tolerant I find I become, Is it worth the agro? Maybe I am becoming an OLD milk toast.
When I detect emotional weirdness (passive aggressive; crazies such as the above referenced walker, etc.) I simply drop the gate and don't engage. Don't apologize, don't sympathize, don't explain, don't retreat. It's difficult not to speak but these types aren't listening anyway. It's a survival strategy that's served me well.
Hi Dave, I'm hoping to get some advice from you regarding a Tesch S22 I just purchased. I want to restore it myself and I am having a hell of a time locating Decals for the project. Can you give me some contacts or leads?
Regards