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I Don't Suffer for my Art

I have a new book titled “I Don’t Suffer for my Art.”

The subtitle inside reads “It’s the people who read this shit that suffer for my art.”

It is a collection of over 1,500 short humorous quips, together with 100 cartoons also drawn by me.

The book contains some strong adult language, and anyone who would be offended by this, I would rather they not read the book. I give fair warning of the content in the opening pages.

Here are a few excerpts:

Did you watch the Kentucky Derby? I haven’t seen that many horse faces and funny hats since the Royal Wedding.

When I know I’m right is when I need to shut up the most.

People buying cake and ice cream never actually “run” to the store. 

“Stake my wife, please.” (Vampire comedian)

According to my eye doctor, my right eye is dominant and my left eye is tired of taking this crap. 

I sometimes feel I’d rather see a person holding a bloody hatchet than a clip board in front of a store.

If you see a guy wearing a suit on a bus he’s probably on his way to court.

I have several motivational posters if anyone is interested, because I don’t think I’ll ever get around to hanging them.

It’s harder for a woman to dance her way out of a welding job than it was in the 80’s.

Do they say? “He died doing what he loved,” about people killed texting while driving.

I’ve spent most of my life dealing with the issue of being a man trapped outside a woman’s body.

I’m paranoid AND needy. I think people are talking about me, just not as often as I’d like.

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it’s a life of piracy on the high seas.

Danger is my middle name. First name: Avoids. Last name: Completely.

When I was a kid I stayed at my uncle’s farm. He said. “There’s 39 sheep out there, I want you to round them up.” I said, “OK there’s 40 sheep out there.”

True friends do not judge each other. They get together and judge other people.

If your kid can arm fart Ritchie Blackmore’s entire guitar riff from Smoke on the Water, he’ll probably go far in life 

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine.

It doesn’t take much to make a woman happy…. It takes even less to make her mad.

Parents today tell their kids, “Finish posting pictures of your food. There are children starving for attention in other countries.”

Iran declares “A Grand Day of Death to America.” With face painting for the kids.

Are retirement communities grey areas?

I once dated a Miss Universe…. But sadly not from this Universe.

I don’t get it, the accordion is such a difficult instrument to play. You could study to play one for 30 years and best case scenario you’re playing for three toddlers at a farmer’s market.

Did you know you can drop a baby off at any fire station, no questions asked? Doesn’t even have to be on fire. 

Note to every news channel…. Unless they are in a zoo, all bears are, “On the loose.”

Parents today don’t worry about their kids running away fromhome. Mainly because that would require going outside and gettingsome exercise.

Definition of irony: “Getting pregnant on a pull out sofa.”



The book will not be in stores until the end of October. If you would like a pre-release copy, email me at davesbikeblog[AT]  

The book is in Paperback, 8.5  in. x 5.5 in. 195 pages. $14 plus $3 postage in the US (Media Rate.) $5 (Priority Mail.) You can pay with PayPal via the "Donate" button on the DaveMoultonRegistry. Overseas shipping unfortunately costs more than the book, but email if you are interested.


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NiteRider Rechargeable Bike Lights

Bicycle lights have improved tremendously since the introduction of LED light bulbs, emitting more light with longer battery life. There is really no excuse for anyone to ride at night without lights, and it amazes me that people still do. Most of the cycling fatalities happen during the hours of darkness.

Over the years I have always considered that the main purpose of bike lights was so that drivers of other vehicles could see me, I never really thought of it as a means to actually see where I was going in the dark. That was until a year or more ago when I bought a NiteRider MiNewt 350 headlight. (Below right.)

I bought it initially because I grew tired of constantly buying and replacing AAA batteries, and most annoying was that vibration caused the batteries to loose contact and the light would go out.

The NiteRider lights have rechargeable batteries.

The MiNewt unit has a separate rechargeable battery that straps firmly to the handlebar stem, and the tiny headlight fastens to the handlebar with a rubber “O” ring.

It throws a beam of light some 50 or 60 yards up the road ahead. The distance of the beam depends a lot on the angle you set the headlamp on the bars.

I am reluctant to set mine too high as the light can actually dazzle oncoming drivers, cyclists and pedestrians. I described the headlight as “Tiny,” but I was referring to its physical size. The headlight lens is only 3/4 inch (20mm.) in diameter, but the light is so intense that viewed head on in the dark, the light appears to be 3 or 4 inches in diameter. (75 to 100mm.)

The first thing I noticed was that when riding in the dark, cars approaching head on and wanting to turn in front of me, would actually sit and wait for me to pass. Even though there was often time for them to safely make the turn. On seeing such a bright light approaching, they might assume it is a motorcycle or motor-scooter approaching. The same is true for drivers emerging from side roads and driveways, they wait for me to pass before pulling out.

I ride on a local bike path at 6am. when temperatures are the coolest, but it is still dark. This headlight not only allows me to see the path ahead and ride at a reasonable pace, but I can see pedestrians and other bike riders without lights. Also the wildlife is still out including the occasional deer.

The headlight also throws a pool of light ahead so the cyclist is silhouetted in this pool of light making him more visible from behind. For this reason I continued to use my AAA battery power rear light, which I though adequate at the time. However, I was so pleased with the MiNewt Mini that I decided to put that one on my wife’s bike and I bought a NiteRider Lumina 700 headlight for my bike. (For 2015 it is a 750.)

This headlight (Picture at the top.) has an output of 700 lumens twice that of the Mini 350 I was using before.

The rechargeable battery and headlight is in one self-contained unit.

The lamp easily detaches from the handlebar mounting bracket, to facilitate recharging by plugging into the USB port of my computer. (Left.)

When I bought the new headlight I also bought two NiteRider Solas 2W taillights, for both my wife and my bikes.

I was a little confused at first by the clear lens in the center of this tail light. However, when in use it is the clear part that glows with an intense red light. When recharging it also glows red, but the light turns blue when fully charged.

The light has two flashing modes and a bright setting that are so bright that it is annoying or even blinding for another cyclist riding behind. For this reason there is a steady light “Low” setting. At this setting the makers claim it will run for 36 hours on one charging. On the low setting the light is bright enough that it can be seen at least half a mile away.

Above: The Solas rear light comes with a bracket that fits around the seat post. But I use a padded camera bag that I bought at Wal-Mart for around five bucks. It holds two spare inner tubes, tire levers, a Co2 pump and a patch kit. It attaches under my saddle the old fashioned way, with toe-straps. I made a loop for the lamp to clip on with a plastic zip-tie.

With these lights, I find that when riding in the dark, passing drivers give me more room in overtaking that they do in the daylight. I feel really safe. A must for someone commuting or training in the dark, and even in daylight, the headlight on flashing mode, really draws attention to your presence.

These lights are spendy, around $80 for the headlight, and $35 for the Tail-light. Shop around because prices vary. This is a quality product that comes with a 2 year guarantee. I have seen reviews where people have used these light for five years. So if you consider the cost and the hassle of buying batteries over a long period, plus the far superior light output, the initial cost I feel is worth it.

Finally, reflectors are good “No Maintenance” way to be seen at night, especially if on moving parts of the bike. Like these Salzmann Spoke Reflectors that turn your wheels into a spinning light show. (Picture above.) Salzmann also make a reflective back pack cover. Both the items are $14.99 each, an inexpensive way to be seen at night.


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Stan Higginson 1931 – 2014

Former British National 25 Mile TT Champion and Competition Record Holder, Stan Higginson, died on August 31st. He would have been 83 on the 20th of September.

On May 1st, 2009 I wrote an article here titled “The Higginson Twins: A Pedaling Phenomenon.” Back in 1952 the year I started racing at the age of 16, the two fastest time-trialists for the 25 mile distance were Stan Higginson and his twin brother Bernard Higginson. The picture above is a recent one of the twins, Stan is on the right.

Picture left: From 1952. Stan on the left, Bernard right.

In the 1950s and before that time, British Time - Trial events were almost exclusively ridden on a single fixed wheel.

It was common back then to ride thought the winter months on a single fixed sprocket with a gear ratio around 20 x 48 or 21 x 48, a gear in the lower 60 inch range.

A popular early season event back then was a 72 inch gear restricted 25 mile TT.

Everyone was restricted to a gear ratio no bigger than 48 x 18, which leveled the playing field and those who had learned to pedal fastest during the winter prevailed.

The 25 mile competition record (Unrestricted.) in 1952 was 57 minutes something. It was still a huge achievement for anyone to beat the hour for a 25, a feat that only a few top riders could manage. Stan and Bernard Higginson made history that year when they both beat the hour in a 72 inch restricted event.

Stan’s time was 59 mins. 20 secs, which meant he was pedaling at over 118 revs per minute for 25 miles. Bernard Higginson clocked 59. 48 for 2nd place and third that morning was the previous year, 1951 25 record holder, Dave Keeler with a time of 59.58.

As a result of posting the above article, Stan contacted me and shared with me some interesting pieces of information. He and Bernard normally raced on a single fixed gear of 84.4 inches. (50 x 16) He said it suited their slight build of 5’ 9 1/2” (176.5cm.) weighing 129 lb. (58.5kg.) and their very low profile positions.

Throughout the winter they trained on 62 inch gear. (46 x 20) This no doubt gave the twins their fast pedaling abilities.

Between 1952 and 1955 they won seven British National 25 Mile Championship Medals. 3 firsts, 2 seconds, and a third. Stan Higginson broke competition record 3 times. Their team. Halesowen C&AC won 3 National Championships, and broke competition record 4 times.

Stan’s fastest 25 was 56min. 21sec. and Bernard’s fastest time was 57min. 05sec.

As a 16 year old, just starting out Stan Higginson was one of my heroes, someone I aspired to be. Even though looking back he was only a few years older than me. As we go through life others inspire us, and hopefully we inspire others.

Stan had apparently had heart problems for the last eleven years. He is survived by his brother Bernard, his wife Helen, and his two children Michael and Carol.

There will celebration of his life is taking place on Monday 15th September at 2pm at St Laurence Church in Alvechurch , Worcs B48 7SB. UK.


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37.8 % of all statistics are made up on the spot by the 26.9% of statisticians who are in the ball park when they should be back at the office gathering facts to back up their statistics.

I can vouch for the validity of those figures because I just made them up. Whether or not you find that funny will depend on your falling into the 49.3% of people who are skeptical over statistics.

The thing that makes something funny is when a statement contains a modicum of truth, and the point here is that some of us are skeptical of certain statistics. Whether we buy into them depends on our opinions to begin with.

Here is one I see all the time:

 “Wearing a bike helmet is estimated to reduce head injury risk by 85 percent.”

I’m not sure where this one started, but it has been around for twenty-five years or more and I’m assuming that originally it had some other statistics and solid data to back up that figure.

It has been repeated over and over, and over again so many times, that it is now stated as fact without reference to the original study. When you analyze the 85% all it does is reinforce a person’s view that bike helmets are a good idea, only if that person held that view to begin with.

Without the original study and the data to back it up, 85% is as meaningless a number as the ones I made up at the start of this piece. Like many statistics, the number is big enough that it sounds good, but not too big. This makes it believable if you don't give it too much thought. I think this is what has given this particular statistic its longevity.

I don’t even know any more if wearing a helmet is supposed to reduce injury by 85% or does it reduce death by 85%? People have accidents with and without helmets, some are injured and some die, but can anyone prove to me that it is even close to 85% survivor and 15% casualty rate.

Debates about helmet use can become as passionate as any religious or political debates. One argument is that helmets make cycling appear more dangerous than it really is. Less than two cyclists are killed each day on US streets and highways. A small number compared to the 85 people who die each day in automobiles. (These are statistics that a simple Google search will confirm.)

Of course far more people drive cars than ride bikes, but even so in a country with a population well over 300 million, less than two cycling deaths a day is not what I would label a dangerous activity. Unfortunately, the general population does not see it this way.

Here is an article by an injury lawyer stating that jurors in civil cases have a bias against cyclists. They view cycling on the public highways as a highly dangerous practice, and when people are perceived to engage in dangerous activities, juries tend to place some of the blame on the participant. This has a direct effect on the amount of compensation they award.

By voluntarily wearing a helmet you at least appear to a jury or an insurance adjuster to be someone who takes responsibility for their safety. They cannot award you less with the argument that you didn’t wear a helmet; therefore you contributed to your own injuries.

Unfortunately the 85% helmet statistic gives legislators fuel to press for mandatory helmet use for cyclists. While many more people die each year from a simple trip or slip and fall than from cycling related accidents.

That’s because almost all of us walk on two feet, but only a select few ride a bicycle. Maybe upon waking each morning we should place a helmet on our head before we even put slippers on our feet; not removing it until we return to bed that evening. Viewed in this light does it not make the whole issue somewhat ludicrous?

Making helmets mandatory only re-enforces the general public’s view that cycling is dangerous. I still maintain that wearing a helmet should be a personal choice; making them mandatory stops some from taking up cycling in the first place.

Most start riding a bike without a helmet, a few will become serious and eventually buy a better bike and all the equipment that goes with it, which will probably include a helmet.

To sum up I wear a helmet because it offers some protection; I don’t believe it is even close to 85%, but wearing one can’t hurt. I may hit a pot hole and fall on my head, in which case my helmet may save me from serious injury. But a crash involving a motor vehicle? The best way to avoid injury there is to ride defensively and circumvent the collision altogether.


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Weight Weenies and the WSJ

I got a mention in the Wall Street Journal in an article about the rising cost of high end bicycles.  We all know that when it comes to bicycles, “Less costs more.” Less weight that is. The lightest bikes today are carbon fiber or titanium both very expensive materials.

The article begins with a story about a 51 year old cyclist from California who dipped into his 401K in order to buy a $20,000 titanium frame bike, custom made in Australia. WTF, like there aren’t enough good custom builders in the US?

Explaining why he had to have this bike, the cyclist said, “I can't afford the nicest car or the nicest house.” But he is willing to splurge on the best cycling equipment. If there is one truism it is that “Rich people stay rich by acting like they are poor, and poor people stay poor by acting like they are rich.”

Most will say that it is up to any individual how he spends his money. I would not argue with that. But this individual clearly could not afford this bike, and the sad thing is this purchase was totally unnecessary.

Many will no doubt see me as the old retro-grouch, against modern equipment. Not at all, I like to see myself as a voice of reason against insane behavior. And dipping into a 401K or going into debt to pay this kind of money for a bicycle is insane, especially when a person is 51 years old.

When I started racing in 1952 my bike weighed 26 lbs. This was lightweight compared to the average roadster bike that weighed about 40lbs. It was a similar bike to the one that the Pros of the day used in the Tour de France. They went over the same mountains that the Tour goes over today, except the roads were often no better than dirt roads.

In spite of the weight of my bike I did my best rides, and fastest times in the 1950s and 1960s. By the time I was 51 I would never go as fast again no matter how light my bike. Which is why I say it is insane for a 51 year old to think he needs a $20,000 bicycle, even if he could afford it.

There have always been weight weenies. I have seen advertisements from the 1800s for Ordinary’s (Penny farthing.) bicycles weighing 19 lbs. But I never saw people obsess over it until I came to the US in 1979. With the advent of carbon fiber and titanium, Weight Weenieism has reached epidemic proportions.

Cycling is a passion, and nice equipment is part of that passion, to a point. When it gets to the point where you are buying stuff you can’t afford, it is no longer a passion, it is an obsession.

“Blingey equipment that weighs less than an anorexic butterfly, is no substitute for miles in your legs.”

My bike has a custom built frame by my ex-apprentice Russ Denny. It has a welded steel frame, it looks modern, and fits me perfectly because it was custom built for me. It has Campagnolo Athena components, because I don’t need Super Record. I have no idea what it weighs, because I have never weighed it. To buy a bike like mine would cost around $4,000.

Plonking down a credit card and buying the lightest possible bike just so you can own something that others will ogle and pick it up and go ooh and aah, is not an achievement. Staying with everyone else, in spite of your bike weighing a little more is.


The WSJ article was written by Rachel Bachman, who wrote a follow-up piece here:

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